The 12th Step Brought Me Back

Thank you to Jennifer J. for sharing this story with me.

After 2 years of sobriety I had gone into auto-pilot. Morning prayer and meditation, breakfast, work, 6 pm meeting, 10th step review, bed, repeat. I was sober and had not had a desire to use for a long time. I know my obsession with drugs and alcohol had lifted because God had lifted them. Even though I had that knowledge, I did not feel it. There was a time when I felt the presence of a Higher Power in my life, but it was no longer there. Despite my daily prayers and my attempts at meditation, I could not feel the presence of God. I was starting to think the whole thing was a scam. I was desperate when I was using. NA told me that a Higher Power would restore me to sanity. I grasped on to that and it worked. Now that I had overcome my addiction, I no longer needed all of that “crap”. I stopped praying. Why should I? I continued going to meeting because that is where all of my friends were. I found myself hanging around outside of the meeting and just chatting while drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. One day after work, while driving to my regular meeting, my car turned on its own into a bar. I sat in the parking lot and I was well aware of the consequences that stood on the other side of that door. I contemplated in my car for almost 30 minutes before I drove away and went straight home. I didn’t go to another meeting for 4 weeks. Within that time I became increasingly irritable. The smallest annoyances were really big deals. One day my boss reprimanded me for snapping at a co-worker. I was offended and at that moment I knew I needed a drink. A drink was harmless, legal, and at least it didn’t involve a needle. I got in my car and I cried and I headed home. My nights had turned into staying up late on the internet since I had given up my friends and wouldn’t answer their calls. So, that night, obsessed with the thought of a drink, I opened up my email. There was a letter from a friend asking me to go to a new meeting with her. Nothing was profound in that email, just the request for me to accompany her. The next day I did. I am not sure why. There was nothing that felt divine, I was not looking to be saved from my obsession. I just went. It turned out that we were not attending just any meeting, we were bringing a meeting to some women that were in an inpatient treatment center. What I heard in that room reminded me of where I had been, what addiction meant for me. The meeting was simple. We shared and we listened. By the time we left my obsession was gone. I went to my regular meeting the next day. I have returned to that women’s treatment center every week since then. That was 3 years ago. I am so grateful that I did not use. The only thing I can say is that God was doing for me what I could not do for myself. He kept me from picking up and he brought me to that treatment center. Twelve Step work has brought me back in to contact with God. I almost lost my recovery because I had neglected to do the 12th step. Now I work all of the steps and I am truly recovered.